We judge others/situations every day. It’s actually a crucial part of life!
While we don’t want to be rude in our judgements, they can help us to stay safe, choose our close friends and to exercise our free will to think about people and situations the way we choose.
For example…on my roadtrip up to Minnesota last week, I encountered a janitor at a rest stop. He was cleaning the women’s restroom and to my judgement, he smiled a little creepily and was acting a little weird. I did my business and went back to my car where I decided to lock my doors. It was daylight, but there weren’t many people around and I’m a small female so my judgment or instincts or whatever told me to play it safe.
While I was getting my Pandora set up (thank you God for Pandora on a 6-8 hour trip!!) and responding to text messages before I headed out, I saw that janitor again. He was doing something with the garbage can right in front of my car. He saw me looking at him and gave a smile and wave. Something seemed off, but I did my best to tell myself that he’s just a friendly old man. Don’t judge him. Then he walked up to my car, started rapping on my window, told me to roll it down and asked me where I got my toes done. (what the what?)
I quickly judged the situation to be unsafe, said “No!” and backed out as quickly as I could. I really wonder what would have happened had I tried to be polite and roll down my window.
Sometimes judging others is necessary.
But sometimes you just need to have all of the facts and then decide how to think about a situation.
Why am I bringing this up?
Well, I suppose I have a few things that I’d like to not be “judged on” or be thought of badly because of them. Maybe I’d just like the opportunity to explain.
Don’t Judge Me But…
~I’m excited to relax this weekend at Blend 2013, meet some new people and catch up with old friends, but I’m not going crazy-over-the-moon-hyperventilating-ecstatic like some of the ladies seem to be.
~Maybe it was just so great last year….how could I possibly meet MORE amazing friends than I already have? 😉
~I might be wearing make up this weekend…even to work outs. I know there’s a huge thing amongst women involving make up and working out or going to the gym…but for those with any kind of skin condition, it can be embaressing to go without. I won’t be attempting to look hawt or sexy while working out…only to appear to have normal skin. Stress, bad food, lack of sleep and hormones tend to set my skin into red-blemished fury and all of those factors are showing up on my face as of late.
~I put way more thought into whether or not I need to shave my legs than I should. Sorry if my stubble ever attacks you.
~I haven’t really done a whole lot of planned exercise since my half marathon over a week ago. Sure, I’ve been walking the Mall of America and climbing up and down hotel stairs, but nothing really planned and definitely not anything intense. I intend to go for a walk/run today, so maybe that will break the cycle!
~I’m not sure how to feel about this article. A lot of people are happy about the fact that this non-anorexic woman is a model for H&M, but did they read the part where she either had to lose weight to be a normal model, or gain weight to be a “plus-sized” model?
I do, however, commend her for her confidence and her speaking out against judging any body type…whether small or large!
~The doozy: I will likely be moving to a different state with my boyfriend. Yup. I don’t have a ring on the finger, but I’m moving hours away from my family to start a life with my best friend in the world.
(I will point out that everyone on the blog has been super supportive thus far, especially in yesterday’s post, but other comments have been…judgy.)
I’d challenge anyone who thinks that it’s more difficult or more of a commitment to be married a couple of years versus dating 5 years (as of today!) and spending two of those years in a long distance relationship. Don’t judge me, but I’m tired of some newlyweds acting like they know more about life than us.
-No, I won’t force or manipulate my boyfriend into marriage so that I will have less people looking down on me.
-No, I’m not doing this because everyone else is doing it. I’m 26 years old and hopefully that high school mentality is far behind me. I’m doing this because I want to. I want to move somewhere else for a little while, experience new things, get out of my comfort zone and most importantly, to be with and support the love of my life.
Dave treats me very well, makes me feel good about myself, values me as an equal and I just overall like being around him, regardless of the empty finger on my left hand. The past couple of years has been a little crazy and we both view marriage as a till-death-do-us-part situation, so we want to make absolutely sure we are making the right decision before moving on.
So there’s that. Feel free to cast the first stone.
Feel free to comment on anything above OR fill in the blank “Don’t judge me but_____” yourself!
Haters gonna hate! I swear I get asked once a week when I’ll be getting married. I COMPLETELY understand feeling frustrated with people who’ve barely been married judging you. We’ve looped most of my friends marriages (I call the dating-engagement-marriage cycle the loop).
Also, you won’t be the only one wearing makeup this weekend :).
I love that you have a name for it lol! Grr at judging newlyweds!
I ironically forgot my entire makeup bag! Thank goodness for my roomies!!
Haters gonna hate! I swear I get asked once a week when I’ll be getting married. I COMPLETELY understand feeling frustrated with people who’ve barely been married judging you. We’ve looped most of my friends marriages (I call the dating-engagement-marriage cycle the loop).Also, you won’t be the only one wearing makeup this weekend :).
My boyfriend (now fiance) and I did the long distance relationship (DC to Los Angeles) thing for 2 years before I moved out to LA sans ring. Almost two years later, this past December, after figuring out the whole living together business and being on the same coast, he proposed. Sure there were judgments when I moved, but I knew what was right for us and it paid off in the end. Only you know what’s best for you, so as long as you’re comfortable with your decisions, go for it!
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I know it’s the right decision for us, but it still makes me feel better to know others have gone through the same thing!!
My boyfriend (now fiance) and I did the long distance relationship (DC to Los Angeles) thing for 2 years before I moved out to LA sans ring. Almost two years later, this past December, after figuring out the whole living together business and being on the same coast, he proposed. Sure there were judgments when I moved, but I knew what was right for us and it paid off in the end. Only you know what’s best for you, so as long as you’re comfortable with your decisions, go for it!
Yikes! That janitor story is scary. I’m glad you trusted your gut. Have fun at the retreat! 🙂
Yes super creepy!! Thank you!
Yikes! That janitor story is scary. I’m glad you trusted your gut. Have fun at the retreat! 🙂
Congrats on the move, I think it sounds super exciting (and I’ll probably be in your shoes in a few years myself so no judgement here!) Don’t judge me but I haven’t worked out in 2 weeks… it’s on my to do list…right after sleep 🙂
Sleep is definitely as, if not more, important than working out!
Congrats on the move, I think it sounds super exciting (and I’ll probably be in your shoes in a few years myself so no judgement here!) Don’t judge me but I haven’t worked out in 2 weeks… it’s on my to do list…right after sleep 🙂
I love that you have a name for it lol! Grr at judging newlyweds!
I ironically forgot my entire makeup bag! Thank goodness for my roomies!!
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I know it’s the right decision for us, but it still makes me feel better to know others have gone through the same thing!!
Yes super creepy!! Thank you!
Sleep is definitely as, if not more, important than working out!
There’s a great book called “The Gift of Fear” that talks a lot about the type of judgment you highlighted in your first example. It’s a great read and I highly recommend it!
Very interesting! I will have to check that out!
There’s a great book called “The Gift of Fear” that talks a lot about the type of judgment you highlighted in your first example. It’s a great read and I highly recommend it!
I’m behind and catching up on your blog (while also texting you), but I LOVE this, can I just tell you that? Aside from the fact that I commend you for listening to your gut and being safe with that janitor (ALWAYS better safe than sorry!), we all have moments when we judge others but sometimes I think being honest and saying “this is who I am and this is what I’m doing with my life, take it or leave it” is one of the best things we can do.
Exactly!! Thanks girl!! <3
I’m behind and catching up on your blog (while also texting you), but I LOVE this, can I just tell you that? Aside from the fact that I commend you for listening to your gut and being safe with that janitor (ALWAYS better safe than sorry!), we all have moments when we judge others but sometimes I think being honest and saying “this is who I am and this is what I’m doing with my life, take it or leave it” is one of the best things we can do.
Very interesting! I will have to check that out!
Exactly!! Thanks girl!! <3
I just found your blog and I am loving your honesty. I loved the fact that you were so opened about the bootcamp at blend as well.
I call my other half my husband because we have been together 6 years (living together 5) and are “Common-law spouses”.
We moved together from Scotland to Canada. And do you know what, I did it as much for myself as I did it to be with him. It’s great to go and challenge yourself.
I don’t know if we will ever get married, but we are looking at buying a house this summer!
I agree with you, there is something irritating about people that think because they have a ring they know more than you about relationships.
Marriage is about the journey and your life together, not a ring and a party. You can absolutely be committed to someone without that.
And with everything my other half and I have been together in those 6 years, he is my family.
Good luck with the move
Thank you so much for your heart-felt comment!
It actually took me awhile to realize it’s not all about a ring. And I’m a Christian so this seems to be against what most believe in that arena, but honestly everyone is different! We are committed to each other and we know that, so really it shouldn’t matter what other people think!
I just found your blog and I am loving your honesty. I loved the fact that you were so opened about the bootcamp at blend as well.
I call my other half my husband because we have been together 6 years (living together 5) and are “Common-law spouses”.
We moved together from Scotland to Canada. And do you know what, I did it as much for myself as I did it to be with him. It’s great to go and challenge yourself.
I don’t know if we will ever get married, but we are looking at buying a house this summer!
I agree with you, there is something irritating about people that think because they have a ring they know more than you about relationships.
Marriage is about the journey and your life together, not a ring and a party. You can absolutely be committed to someone without that.
And with everything my other half and I have been together in those 6 years, he is my family.
Good luck with the move
Thank you so much for your heart-felt comment!
It actually took me awhile to realize it’s not all about a ring. And I’m a Christian so this seems to be against what most believe in that arena, but honestly everyone is different! We are committed to each other and we know that, so really it shouldn’t matter what other people think!