Apparently this post can also be called “I’m a 25 Year-Old Woman and Not a Mother” or “Logic Vs Heart” or “How to Look Awesome When Your Walking in Cold Weather”(the original title)
(You never know what will come out when I sit down to write!)
Well my first day of break was not nearly as inspiring or amazing as I thought it would be, but I did wake up feeling happy.
Shouldn’t a person always wake up feeling happy? I would like to think so.
Do you always wake up happy? I usually wake up shaking my head at my alarm clock.
I was excited to get to hang out with the cutie pie I babysit. With no feeling of “oh I hope she naps so I can study!!”
I was also SO excited to see my nephew. I already love him so much and was planning on holding him all night if I could!
As I left babysitting, the gal I work for reminded me that next Tuesday would probably be my last time watching the sweet baby I’ve been taking care of this whole semester since Christmas break is approaching for her and after that, I’m moving!
It’s funny because I actually took pictures of her that day, for the first time..ever? So now I have some to look back on.
It’s kind of challenging when you’re a babysitter/nanny to not get attached to the kids and the family work for.
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| The second kid I don’t get paid to babysit 😉 |
I got super attached to the twins I watched over the summer and I was so sad when I found out I wouldn’t be watching them every week once the school year started. Their mom decided they should go to daycare, which definitely makes sense and works better for them…but it still kind of felt like my kids were being taken away from me.
It’s just hard when you spend all day caring for little ones to not feel like they are a little bit your own…in the least creepy way possible. I’m not going to steal a kid or anything, folks.
Babysitting can have it’s rough days. Sometimes I’m glad to go home and lock myself in my room so I can have “me time”. I’ve also gotten child bodily fluids on me more than I care to share, but I think there’s something in me that just loves to helping bring up little ones. They are so fun to watch grow and it melts my heart when the little ones recognize me and smile.
Maybe that’s why I got a little depressed Sunday when I realized that I was sick and couldn’t hang out with my nephew. I only spent a couple of days with him, but I feel like I want to spend more time with him, watching him as he grows. Have him recognize my voice and my face.
I was super excited to see my little nephew again!
I got home early afternoon where I thought I’d find my dad, sister and nephew, but instead an empty house. When I found out that they were all shopping, I decided to take my brisk wintry walk.
I’ve decided that I need to at least keep up the amount of walking I’ve been doing on campus over break. I probably walked AT LEAST two miles, three days a week just to and from classes.
I walked my two miles and I felt really good.
Did I ever tell you guys that I hurt my knee being stupid in October? (If you’re a dailymile friend, you might have heard me mention it once or a zillion times.) I was doing lunges and decided to get fancy and made up my own lung. Like a backwards, twisting lunge and ended up twisting my knee the wrong way…and then running four miles the next day. The pain steadily increased over the next week until I was hobbling for about a month. Fun stuff.
Anyways…no knee pain this past week! And no knee pain from walking two consecutive miles over hills and everything!!
It was pretty funny though, in all my goofy cold-weather gear, I stopped to take a picture with my phone and all of a sudden a dude sprints past me in only a long-sleeve tee and shorts. Yep, I had on long-sleeved tee, two sweatshirts, ear band, pants and mittens. And a smile! 😉
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| Post walk cutie! |
I kept waiting for the buzz of my phone in my pocket. You know, to tell me that my sister and precious nephew were on their way back. I was prepared to sprint home to snuggle with the little guy.
But even after I got home, took a shower, had dinner, watched a couple of Christmas movies and Skyped with Dave (the BF), they still had not arrived, which kind of put a knot in my stomach.
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| Yummy Christmas treat! |
Sitting on my couch at 10pm at night, all by myself, realizing that I wouldn’t be seeing him that day, I think it hit me. Hard.
I really want to be a mom. And a wife, really. I think when sister Courtney had her little one I finally felt like I would have a baby to take care of. Not every day, but I guess I felt like I would be able to see him whenever I wanted. Silly, right?
Like somehow that would fill this void. Somehow that would make up for the fact that I feel like time is running out for me.
Like why the heck am I 25, unmarried, with no kids? This was NOT the plan!
The thing is, I need to get out of the feeling that there is a void. Because I can’t really control when I get married or have kids, unfortunately.
And when I think about it logically (oh logic, how I hate you sometimes)…I have two more years of school left!! And a year-long internship after that!! Where do kids fit in there?
I NEED to be happy with where I am right now. Not just by distracting myself from being unhappy (thank you school!), but by really, TRULY being good with where God has me in life.
Maybe I am just rambling and trying to make myself feel better..but maybe you have a similar issue?
Maybe you are unhappy, but you literally can’t change where you are and the only solution is to make yourself happy, here and now?
Here’s what I’m going to do.
I’m going to privately list out all of the reasons why I’m glad I don’t have kids right now. Sometimes us ladies need to force ourselves to be logical, not emotional.
Although my heart will always long to have kiddos hanging from my apron strings, I need to focus on the importance of waiting for the right time and knowing that God KNOW my heart. He KNOWS my deep longings and He is NOT ignoring them. He simply has a better plan for me than I realize.
He also knows YOUR longings. He hears YOUR prayers. He is NOT ignoring you. He has THE BEST plan for you possible.
We just need to realize this, yes?
So here’s to loving life TODAY. Living in the moment. Getting excited about life in the present!
And presently I will concern myself with putting up my Christmas tree finally! 🙂
Much love and hope to you all friends,
What is one thing in your life that you are super psyched about?
What is one situation that you can choose to change your thinking about, since you have no control over it?
I think you hit it right on the head. We have to remind ourselves that we are where we are for a reason and it may be a reason we don’t quite know yet. I always thought I would meet the man of my dreams in college, be engaged by the time (or shortly after) graduation and married shortly after that. And then I met my ex who I thought was the ONE. We broke up years ago, I graduated years ago and now I’m 25 and single. There’s no sign of marriage in my near future and I’ve learned that’s okay, I just need to be patient for my life to play out the way it’s supposed to.
It’s so funny how similar we are! It’s also funny that we try to plan things out like that, but we really have no control over certain aspects of our lives. We have it good now though, right? 🙂
Yup… I know how you feel! I was only 17 when my first nephew was born and I loved babysitting for that little peanut… now I have 4 nieces and 3 nephews with a 4th nephew on the way! I thought I would have one by now but guess that is not how it works. Like you I think about the things I really enjoy about how things are now… and tbh I am pretty happy with a lot of things! so I try to focus on those more.
Yes, focusing on the positive is always the answer. I just need to remind myself of this sometimes! 🙂 And yay for babysitting little peanuts and giving them back to their parents! 😉
I think you hit it right on the head. We have to remind ourselves that we are where we are for a reason and it may be a reason we don’t quite know yet. I always thought I would meet the man of my dreams in college, be engaged by the time (or shortly after) graduation and married shortly after that. And then I met my ex who I thought was the ONE. We broke up years ago, I graduated years ago and now I’m 25 and single. There’s no sign of marriage in my near future and I’ve learned that’s okay, I just need to be patient for my life to play out the way it’s supposed to.
Yup… I know how you feel! I was only 17 when my first nephew was born and I loved babysitting for that little peanut… now I have 4 nieces and 3 nephews with a 4th nephew on the way! I thought I would have one by now but guess that is not how it works. Like you I think about the things I really enjoy about how things are now… and tbh I am pretty happy with a lot of things! so I try to focus on those more.
It’s so funny how similar we are! It’s also funny that we try to plan things out like that, but we really have no control over certain aspects of our lives. We have it good now though, right? 🙂
Yes, focusing on the positive is always the answer. I just need to remind myself of this sometimes! 🙂 And yay for babysitting little peanuts and giving them back to their parents! 😉
That’s the number one thing I miss about being a college student — all the walking! I walked about two miles per day as I went to classes daily and most of my classes were spread out all over campus. I loved the incentive for walking.
Oh yes I’m all about exercise as a part of daily life…especially when it’s just something you have to do anyways!!
That’s the number one thing I miss about being a college student — all the walking! I walked about two miles per day as I went to classes daily and most of my classes were spread out all over campus. I loved the incentive for walking.
Oh yes I’m all about exercise as a part of daily life…especially when it’s just something you have to do anyways!!