Recently I’ve been wrestling with what I believe…religion-wise.
My faith in God and my savior will never waiver, however some of the religious details are a little fuzzy and often up for debate.
I wrote my first “Religiocity” post when I was a little more emotional about moving in with Dave because I had to battle what I’d been taught and what I truly believed. This is a continuation of that post since it seemed like it could stand on it’s own (plus I’m trying not to write crazy-long posts).
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I saw a link on Facebook to a blog post entitled “How I Know My Wife Married the Wrong Person.”
The title intrigued me, so I opened the link. After laughing a little at the humerous portrayal of a man who realizes he will never be the ultimate man….I got offended. Yes, sometimes when I have a certain sensitivity on my mind I’m offended a little more easily, but check out the list of the options on finding your spouse that the reader presents (as interpreted by me unless in quotes):
1. Search for the perfect mate even though there isn’t one.
Yes, if you are already married, I would understand trying to overlook certain issues and to focus on the positive and to love your spouse. But beforehand…why not find someone compatible whose flaws you can learn to live with?
2. “Try it before you buy it.”
This one made me shake with fury just reading the description…as it was obvious that the writer had disdain for anyone who would chose to get to know someone before committing.
3. Don’t try to find anyone at all and instead hang out with your girlfriends all the time.
(The horror…?)
4. Do what the bible says….
which he doesn’t really explain. From the writing it almost seems like you are to marry the first person you meet since we are all flawed. This idea seems to reflect the idea of courtship where the parents select a suitable mate for their child. The child cannot have feelings for anyone else and is only allowed to like a member of the opposite sex whom their parent approves of. Yikes.
Well, scrolling through the comments there was a mixture of responses (was…now I can’t find the negative ones…). Some said, “Amen! Well put!” and others wondered why the author would tell someone to overlook all flaws…even abuse. (I can’t find those comments now…which makes me wonder if they were deleted.)
Then I found a comment that referenced purity culture (which I can no longer find). Go Google those words. It’s intense. It made me remember that sometimes religion isn’t necessarily healthy for us. I also found a wonderful blogger who helped me cope with some of the feelings about religion I had earlier last week.
But that is another blog post. I seriously have multiple posts from this gal’s blog saved and I want to recap and comment on each one!
So what do you think about the article?
I get the feeling that he is very naive and/or really hasn’t seem many different types of people and relationships. Some people are very insecure and this leads to jumping from partner to partner OR staying in a relationship that is unhealthy or abusive just because they don’t want to be single. I think that it is the opposite of what he is saying – I don’t know many people that look for perfect people – I know a lot more people willing to settle for less than they deserve – and that doesn’t mean money or status, I just mean someone who will love them and treat them well. Not all of us have found that. I don’t think he realized how lucky he is and yeah, a lot of it has to do with luck. I see the point he is trying to make – that he knows his wife is flawed and that’s ok – and that they will work on things instead of just giving up – but I think he went about it in the wrong way.
I agree that he went about it the wrong way. “God’s way” as he was saying, seemed to be just to stick with the first person you meet…because we are all flawed…don’t jump from person to person looking for the “perfect” mate.
I would agree with him if he wrote about how him and his wife are a good match, but there are flaws they have to deal with…or something to that effect. Maybe he could have gone the route of “don’t get divorced because your mate leaves the toilet seat up…no one’s perfect.”
I agree that he went about it the wrong way. “God’s way” as he was saying, seemed to be just to stick with the first person you meet…because we are all flawed…don’t jump from person to person looking for the “perfect” mate.
I would agree with him if he wrote about how him and his wife are a good match, but there are flaws they have to deal with…or something to that effect. Maybe he could have gone the route of “don’t get divorced because your mate leaves the toilet seat up…no one’s perfect.”
Without going into my whole “religious” history – I have finally reached the conclusion that (for me) faith and religion are completely separate. I have a strong faith in God but I know longer feel like I’m tied to a set religion.
And stuff like that FB thing I will never understand.
I thought I was “interdenominational” for awhile…but it turns out there is a whole set of beliefs with that! There’s not really an all-inclusive “I just know there’s a God who loves me” type of religion. It makes it challenging to find a church I enjoy attending.
Without going into my whole “religious” history – I have finally reached the conclusion that (for me) faith and religion are completely separate. I have a strong faith in God but I know longer feel like I’m tied to a set religion.
And stuff like that FB thing I will never understand.
I loved both these posts. So this is my comment on both, I guess.
Coming from a small town, I know there were a lot of opinions on me moving in with my boyfriend. But honestly, it was stupid for us not to. We weren’t ready to get married then, and living together just made so much more sense.
My parents were really supportive of it, even though I know that various individuals have made comments at my mom about the fact I’m living with my boyfriend (of a different race, no less). She’s a trooper. Lucky for me, people tend to keep their mouth shut around us.
I think you can be religious in your own way. I don’t know that I necessarily believe in organized religion. It’s something I’ve struggled with for awhile. I do believe in being a good person, helping others … many “religious” things, but I don’t like the HATE that just seems to get in the way. Maybe it’s because I was raised Catholic, the faith were you HAD to believe a certain way if you were going to belong to the church. I always really disliked that.
I know in our next move, the b/f and I are going to try to find a church, which I like the idea of. I just hope I can find one that works for me.
Anyway, that comment was kind of a ramble. But, it’s friday ;).
Thanks for your comment Alex! Rambles are the best! 😉
I think what I dislike about “religion” is that it starts to get away from the central, important ideas like you said helping others, etc (I actually hate the term “good person” because really…who’s going to label themselves a “bad person.” There’s always a self-justification for actions and/or people make mistakes. Might actually be a good post….).
I really do want to find a church here! I know I don’t have to believe EVERYTHING I hear in a church…it really is good to fellowship with other somewhat like-minded people. And I LOVE a good worship service and LOVE getting something positive out of sermons to apply to my life. 🙂 I hope you guys find one you like!