Just a little empathy.
That’s all we want right? When we complain..however dramatic..we really just want someone to say, “Oh that’s crazy!” or “How could she!”
I suppose sometimes we want a solution, but a lot of times it feels GOOD to vent! And to have someone say, “I’m here for you!” or “I’m praying for you!”
What we don’t want or need, is someone complaining back about how much worse their life is than ours. I will do that myself if I want to make myself feel better, thanks.
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I went to bed super early last night. I had stayed up till about 2am the “night” before doing (what else?) school work, specifically a rediculous lab write-up AFTER having taken an hour and a half Chemistry test. I even made it to my 8am class the next morning and survived the entire day. Until about 9pm. When I crashed. Hard.
It turns out my body needed more than the 8 hours I had planned on. Even more than the 9 hours that was accounted for on my THIRD alarm I set. Because I didn’t wake up until 8:30am.
Yep, I got about 11 hours of sleep.
Of course when I looked at my phone and it read 8:30am I began to panic.
Jumping out of bed resulted in a throbbing, dizzying headache as I tried to remember what day it was, whether I had missed my 8am class or I had to make it to my 9:30am Chemistry class.
My head was swimming, remembering things such as I was going to print out the notes in the morning, I was going to go for a run and shower…I wonder if I smell? When did I shower last? Do I have time to make coffee? Oh crap I need to be leaving RIGHT NOW.
You see, to make it to my classes on the city campus, I have to leave my apartment about 30-45 minutes early. There’s morning traffic, finding a parking spot and walking about 15 minutes from my car to class.
Needless to say, I did not make it out of my house in 15 minutes. And I felt like a total failure. How the heck did I sleep that long? I can’t even remember the last time I slept 7 hours!
I decided I would print out my Chemistry notes, make some breakfast and try to teach myself the material. And try to fill in the annoying blanks on the notes on my own until it was time to leave for Chemistry Recitation, this whole class you go to that explains what you were supposed to learn in lecture. Good plan, right?
Well, I was still feeling astonished at how late I slept and a little stressed at missing class. I wanted some empathy. I texted my friend who was in the class that I slept through 3 alarms for a total of 11 hours. And I used the tasteful abreviation “fml” somewhere in there. I was thinking the response would be “Whoa crazy! You must have needed it!”
No.
“Yes. F your life indeed. 11 hours of sleep is such a burden.”
Not exactly what I was looking for.
So I went to good ol’ social media. I Facebooked and Tweeted. The only response was an inbox from a friend telling me about how I’m lucky to not have a crying baby waking me every few hours and a toddler waking up early in the morning.
Lucky?
Little did this friend know that when I saw she had her second child, I started bawling my eyes out, crying to Dave (the BF) “Why does she get to have babies while I have to go to stupid Chemistry class?! I’m turning 26…what if I can’t have kids??” Yes, a little dramatic, but it was how I felt at the time.
{Thank you Dave for giving me a hug and assuring me that if I get too old by the time we are ready to have kids, we can adopt a bunch of Chinese babies like the adorable couple on Modern Family. He knows how to make me feel better!}
Dave also managed to text me back today (after I was already grumpy at the other responses) and that made me feel a little better…but he had a busy day at work so couldn’t really talk or text all day.
Not only did I not feel so great from over sleeping, I was kind of crabby that I had no one to talk to about it. I really just wanted a little empathy. I mean seriously, who has time to sleep 11 hours in one night?! For most people, that’s 3-5 hours lost! That stinks!
To add a little icing to the cake, my foggy brain managed to forget my calculator, so I awkwardly had to borrow the recitation TA’s and as a result was the last one taking the quiz. I felt like the biggest slacker in the world!
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Adding on to this was a serious guilt that I’ve been feeling ever since my roomie found out some troubling medical news about her mom.
I felt guilty because I could not empathize properly. I don’t have personal experience with seriously ill family members. I don’t know what to say. All I could do is give her a hug and cry with her because it broke my heart to see her so sad. No words of wisdom or anything of value to say. All I could do was imagine what it must be like to potentially lose my mom.
More guilt has crept in because I feel like I don’t have the best relationship with my mom. We’re not BFFs. She’s my mom and I love her dearly, but I maybe see her a couple of times a month and occasionally text her. Am I a terrible daughter??
The thing is, we all have our own problems in our lives and they all can seem big to us.
Although we try to compare ourselves and our issues and our schedules to others…we simply can’t. Not all of us have the same ability to handle stress, not all of us are bothered by certain things, and a lot of times we don’t even see what’s really going on in someone’s life.
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| Put yourself in someone else’s shoes…er birdcage. (Pinterest pin) |
It’s okay to have a bad day. It’s okay to feel the pain for a little bit and then try your best to pick yourself up and move on. There’s no need to feel guilt for feeling bad. That only makes the problem worse.
And with that, I feel a little better. Writing out my issues makes them feel smaller. Even a little silly. Especially with the emotion (and headache) of the day gone. You should try it sometime.
I would also like to point out that I did get a couple of nice tweets when I tweeted “Today can only get better.” I do have some great people in my life. 🙂
Takeaway: have some empathy. Don’t think your problems are bigger than someone else’s.
What do you think? Are you good at empathizing with people? I’m working on it!
Would you be upset if you got 11 hours of sleep? And slept through 3 alarms??
Positive posts from this week:
It’s Monday BUT
Almond Oatcakes
I’m sorry that your body rejected your schedule yesterday! I also apologize on behalf of your friends who gave you the “well at least you don’t have _____ going on.” I think that’s a natural reaction that MUST be suppressed in us. We all must be given our chance to grow through our own brand of adversity. We all can be looked upon as having “less” of a struggle to someone else – but what is going on for US is what is real NOW. Thank you for another intuitive and revealing post. <3
I know she didn’t MEAN to be rude or hurtful, and it is definitely a natural reaction, but goodness it ruffled my feathers!
Thank you for being so kind and supportive Andrea! Excited to run with you!! 🙂
I’m sorry that your body rejected your schedule yesterday! I also apologize on behalf of your friends who gave you the “well at least you don’t have _____ going on.” I think that’s a natural reaction that MUST be suppressed in us. We all must be given our chance to grow through our own brand of adversity. We all can be looked upon as having “less” of a struggle to someone else – but what is going on for US is what is real NOW. Thank you for another intuitive and revealing post. <3
bottom line: people are jerks.
Sorry you had a cruddy day. 🙁 At least today is a new day! And hopefully no chem class?
PS I’m a HUGE hater of people who are like “your life is easy, wait till you have kids”. I get it. Kids are kind of a big deal. But other people have issues too.
haha it’s totally a thing to brag about how hard life is with kids!
Yes, today is much better!! 🙂
Ugh … agreed.
People also ‘brag’ to me how things are harder when you’re married. I feel like they try to act above me/act like things are harder just because I don’t have a ring on my finger. 5+ years of dating to your 6 months of dating and 1 year of marriage?
Come on.
Am I making sense, lol?
Okay, in retrospect that might have been a little harsh. But I hate that people don’t take long-term relationships seriously until you’re married.
*grr*
Oh I know what you mean! Me and Dave have been dating almost 5 years and the last year long distance! The long distance seems harder to me!
I know things change when you get married…but yeah I agree with you when someone who is newly married (and has been with their spouse for less time than you) tries to act like it’s SO MUCH HARDER when you, like you said, have a ring. I hear ya lady!
bottom line: people are jerks.
Sorry you had a cruddy day. 🙁 At least today is a new day! And hopefully no chem class?
PS I’m a HUGE hater of people who are like “your life is easy, wait till you have kids”. I get it. Kids are kind of a big deal. But other people have issues too.
I’m so glad I’ve had time to catch up on your posts, because I love reading your thoughts. I can have a hard time empathizing with others who are going through super trying times. However, if you can recognize that they need SYMpathy–which you obviously do/did–sometimes I think that is all they need. I am the girl who inevitably doesn’t know what to say but will offer to bake for you. [I bet you are the same.] While I wouldn’t say encouraging emotional eating is great, it is the way I show I am caring that they are having a tough time, even if I’m not sure how to relate.
I also LOVE how you point out that we can’t compare what is a burden or a stress for us to anyone else. I was having a VERY hard time realizing this during the fall, because I kept thinking, “My ‘problems’ are so stupid compared to what some other people are going through that I know, or in the world at large.” My counselor told me to remember that it is a big deal TO ME, and that that is just as important.
But we can’t always expect everyone else to commiserate with us. 🙂
haha I do have that awkward feeling with my roommate now like, I don’t know what to do…but I can give you yummy cookies?
That is very true that sometimes no one will commiserate and I need to realize that. Goodness it’s helpful though! 🙂
Thank you so much for the kind words, Sarah! I love reading your thoughts as well! 🙂
I know it sucks when you have a bad day and you hope someone can make you feel better but they end up making you feel worse :/ I have a friend like this and we just cannot be around each other if we are both in a bad mood. So sometimes you have to consider your audience. Sometimes it is the delivery/how you say it… rather than pointing out the 11 hours of sleep you got saying that you slept through 3 alarms and missed a class makes it easier to see why you are upset.
I know I feel like the delivery must have been wrong, but looking at it again…I did say I slept through three alarms on Facebook, but I didn’t say it made me stressed..I just said that “I’m choosing to be impressed.” I was trying to be optimistic and thought that the 11 hours and sleeping through 3 alarm clocks sounded crazy enough but apparently not.
I agree we need to consider the audience in this situation. Both people who responded to me had only gotten a few hours of sleep that night so I’m sure the 11 hours stuck out to them the most, so that definitely makes sense.
Smart move to avoid the people that upset you more!
Ugh … agreed.
People also ‘brag’ to me how things are harder when you’re married. I feel like they try to act above me/act like things are harder just because I don’t have a ring on my finger. 5+ years of dating to your 6 months of dating and 1 year of marriage?
Come on.
Am I making sense, lol?
Hope things get better :). People can be jerks. I HATE sleeping though alarms. I feel all stressed & rushed … no bueno!
Hope things get better :). People can be jerks. I HATE sleeping though alarms. I feel all stressed & rushed … no bueno!
Right!? And three alarms…I was so confused when I woke up haha!
Okay, in retrospect that might have been a little harsh. But I hate that people don’t take long-term relationships seriously until you’re married.
*grr*
Amanda, I’m seriously so glad you posted this–it’s such a beautiful collection of thoughts and wisdom! I wholeheartedly agree that we all go through something and who knows?? Maybe even the mean driver who cut you off did it b/c they’re heading to the hospital b/c they found out something happened to their spouse! We all need to just relax, accept others before judging, and just be loving! I also think you did exactly what your friend needed, girl. Sometimes no words can comfort any pain, but just the fact that some is letting us know that we’re not alone is ENOUGH.
Hmmm…I think empathy is one of my strongest points and I can actually admit that–it’s something that people have told me they can feel from being around me, so funny enough they want to spill everything out to me, lol. Although, it’s one of those things with which I always need wisdom and balance and prayer! Or else I can easily let it consume me and I won’t focus on myself and take it too far. I hope this makes sense? 😛 I hope today goes spectacular for you and God is with you whether you feel it or not!
Yes! Thanks so much girl! God is always here and I need to remember that!
Sometimes I have the exact opposite tendency that you have..I focus on myself way too much!! You definitely deserve to focus on YOU.
Thanks for the comment friend!
I know she didn’t MEAN to be rude or hurtful, and it is definitely a natural reaction, but goodness it ruffled my feathers!
Thank you for being so kind and supportive Andrea! Excited to run with you!! 🙂
i heart your face and am sending you so much love. ..and text messages. 🙂
I love you girlie and thanks for the texts! <3
I’m so glad I’ve had time to catch up on your posts, because I love reading your thoughts. I can have a hard time empathizing with others who are going through super trying times. However, if you can recognize that they need SYMpathy–which you obviously do/did–sometimes I think that is all they need. I am the girl who inevitably doesn’t know what to say but will offer to bake for you. [I bet you are the same.] While I wouldn’t say encouraging emotional eating is great, it is the way I show I am caring that they are having a tough time, even if I’m not sure how to relate.
I also LOVE how you point out that we can’t compare what is a burden or a stress for us to anyone else. I was having a VERY hard time realizing this during the fall, because I kept thinking, “My ‘problems’ are so stupid compared to what some other people are going through that I know, or in the world at large.” My counselor told me to remember that it is a big deal TO ME, and that that is just as important.
But we can’t always expect everyone else to commiserate with us. 🙂
haha it’s totally a thing to brag about how hard life is with kids!
Yes, today is much better!! 🙂
I know it sucks when you have a bad day and you hope someone can make you feel better but they end up making you feel worse :/ I have a friend like this and we just cannot be around each other if we are both in a bad mood. So sometimes you have to consider your audience. Sometimes it is the delivery/how you say it… rather than pointing out the 11 hours of sleep you got saying that you slept through 3 alarms and missed a class makes it easier to see why you are upset.
Amanda, I’m seriously so glad you posted this–it’s such a beautiful collection of thoughts and wisdom! I wholeheartedly agree that we all go through something and who knows?? Maybe even the mean driver who cut you off did it b/c they’re heading to the hospital b/c they found out something happened to their spouse! We all need to just relax, accept others before judging, and just be loving! I also think you did exactly what your friend needed, girl. Sometimes no words can comfort any pain, but just the fact that some is letting us know that we’re not alone is ENOUGH.
Hmmm…I think empathy is one of my strongest points and I can actually admit that–it’s something that people have told me they can feel from being around me, so funny enough they want to spill everything out to me, lol. Although, it’s one of those things with which I always need wisdom and balance and prayer! Or else I can easily let it consume me and I won’t focus on myself and take it too far. I hope this makes sense? 😛 I hope today goes spectacular for you and God is with you whether you feel it or not!
i heart your face and am sending you so much love. ..and text messages. 🙂
Your post on fb about oversleeping implied that you were trying to be optimistic…. I wish I could get 11 hrs of sleep one night! But it’s been 2 yrs since that’s even been a possibility. I didn’t mean to offend you with my comment, I was trying to express mock-jealousy. (Didn’t realize you were not in the mood for funny) I’m sorry I bothered you so much. I’ll keep my comments to myself.
I’m glad you got the sleep that your body needed even if it was extremely inconvenient.
Oh I know what you mean! Me and Dave have been dating almost 5 years and the last year long distance! The long distance seems harder to me!
I know things change when you get married…but yeah I agree with you when someone who is newly married (and has been with their spouse for less time than you) tries to act like it’s SO MUCH HARDER when you, like you said, have a ring. I hear ya lady!
haha I do have that awkward feeling with my roommate now like, I don’t know what to do…but I can give you yummy cookies?
That is very true that sometimes no one will commiserate and I need to realize that. Goodness it’s helpful though! 🙂
Thank you so much for the kind words, Sarah! I love reading your thoughts as well! 🙂
I know I feel like the delivery must have been wrong, but looking at it again…I did say I slept through three alarms on Facebook, but I didn’t say it made me stressed..I just said that “I’m choosing to be impressed.” I was trying to be optimistic and thought that the 11 hours and sleeping through 3 alarm clocks sounded crazy enough but apparently not.
I agree we need to consider the audience in this situation. Both people who responded to me had only gotten a few hours of sleep that night so I’m sure the 11 hours stuck out to them the most, so that definitely makes sense.
Smart move to avoid the people that upset you more!
Yes! Thanks so much girl! God is always here and I need to remember that!
Sometimes I have the exact opposite tendency that you have..I focus on myself way too much!! You definitely deserve to focus on YOU.
Thanks for the comment friend!
I love you girlie and thanks for the texts! <3
Right!? And three alarms…I was so confused when I woke up haha!
Problems are so relative and it’s taken me a long time to realize that. Even though most of our day-to-day problems really aren’t that big of a deal in the grand scheme of life, they still cause us stress, anxiety, and make us unhappy. So in a way, yes they are a big deal. I’m so sorry that your friend made your day even worse – that situation would have caused me so much anxiety, so I can see where you are coming from!
I think you did exactly what your roommate needs right now. A hug and a shoulder to cry on. That’s all empathy is sometimes.
Also, if you body needs 11 hours of sleep – then by all means let it happen! There is no shame in getting more than 8 hours of sleep at night. I think society puts people who need little sleep on a pedestal – almost like they are better than those who need more of it. I’m not ashamed to say that on vacation this week I slept 9-11 hours each night. I just function better that way. It by no means says I’m a lazy person (I’m not), but I think that what’s society has tried to make us believe.
Wow sleeping that much is just so rare that I thought I would get a “what the heck?? are you okay??” response. Good for you for getting the sleep you needed on vacation!!
Thanks Maria. 🙂
Problems are so relative and it’s taken me a long time to realize that. Even though most of our day-to-day problems really aren’t that big of a deal in the grand scheme of life, they still cause us stress, anxiety, and make us unhappy. So in a way, yes they are a big deal. I’m so sorry that your friend made your day even worse – that situation would have caused me so much anxiety, so I can see where you are coming from!
I think you did exactly what your roommate needs right now. A hug and a shoulder to cry on. That’s all empathy is sometimes.
Also, if you body needs 11 hours of sleep – then by all means let it happen! There is no shame in getting more than 8 hours of sleep at night. I think society puts people who need little sleep on a pedestal – almost like they are better than those who need more of it. I’m not ashamed to say that on vacation this week I slept 9-11 hours each night. I just function better that way. It by no means says I’m a lazy person (I’m not), but I think that what’s society has tried to make us believe.
I am learning that just because someone else’s problem is bigger than yours doesn’t diminish your problems. I’m so sorry that you had such a rotten day. Even though your problems weren’t big, huge, change your life problems, they are still burdens we face. I tend to freak out with small things like that and make my day go from bad to worse so I can understand where you are coming from. Sometimes our bodies just get so run down by stress and life that it needs extra sleep… don’t feel bad about that!
I think I’m a pretty empathic person, however when it comes to your friend what she needs is an ear to listen and as Maria said, a shoulder to cry on.
Haha yes I flip when little things go wrong and it makes it even worse! But I’m working on it!
Thanks for YOUR empathy and I really do hope I am being helpful towards my roommate!
I am learning that just because someone else’s problem is bigger than yours doesn’t diminish your problems. I’m so sorry that you had such a rotten day. Even though your problems weren’t big, huge, change your life problems, they are still burdens we face. I tend to freak out with small things like that and make my day go from bad to worse so I can understand where you are coming from. Sometimes our bodies just get so run down by stress and life that it needs extra sleep… don’t feel bad about that!
I think I’m a pretty empathic person, however when it comes to your friend what she needs is an ear to listen and as Maria said, a shoulder to cry on.
oh girl i can relate. Compassion i a big deal, one i am working on. Whats petty to me might mean the world to someone else. Having a heart that is compassionate is what God created (in HIS image) for. But, at the same time, i will always be there for someone if needed. Like you, you can vent to me ANYTIME. 🙂
Aw Lindsay you are so sweet! I really appreciate that!
I love “what’s petty to me might mean the world to someone else.” It’s so true!
oh girl i can relate. Compassion i a big deal, one i am working on. Whats petty to me might mean the world to someone else. Having a heart that is compassionate is what God created (in HIS image) for. But, at the same time, i will always be there for someone if needed. Like you, you can vent to me ANYTIME. 🙂
Wow sleeping that much is just so rare that I thought I would get a “what the heck?? are you okay??” response. Good for you for getting the sleep you needed on vacation!!
Thanks Maria. 🙂
Haha yes I flip when little things go wrong and it makes it even worse! But I’m working on it!
Thanks for YOUR empathy and I really do hope I am being helpful towards my roommate!
Aw Lindsay you are so sweet! I really appreciate that!
I love “what’s petty to me might mean the world to someone else.” It’s so true!